Screeching Weasel (Self-Titled)

This was Screeching Weasel's first LP and it was released in 1987
Ten years later it was re-released under Lookout Records
The reason a lot of the song lyrics might seem simple and "childish" is because most of them were written when Ben Weasel was in rehab at the age of 16.

1. Say No! To Authority
2. Wanna Die
3. Society
4. California Sucks
5. Murder in the Brady House
6. I Can't Stand Myself
7. My Song
8. High Ambitions
9. March of the Lawnmowers
10. Leave Me Alone
11. Don't Touch My Car
12. 7-1-1
13. Cows
14. Work
15. Wavin' Gerbs
16. Liar
17. O.M.W.
18. Clean-Cut Asshole
19. Raining Needles
20. BPD
21. Experience the Ozzfish
22. Jockpunk
23. K-Mart Blues
24. Bates Motel
25. Hardcore Hippie
26. What Is Right
27. Yeah Baby!
28. In the Hospital
29. I Feel Like Shit
30. I Hate Led Zeppelin (Demo)
31. American Suicide (Demo)
32. A Political Song for Screeching Weasel to Sing
33. Twinkie Warfare
34. Stoned and Stupid
35. Life Sucks (And So Do You)
36. I Wanna Be Naked (Demo)
37. My Right (Demo)
38. Hey Suburbia (Demo)
39. Ashtray (Demo)




Say No! To Authority

I like Ronald Reagan
He teaches me to be a man
He shows me how to pull a scam
In the name of Uncle Sam
I like Edwin Meese the third
He tells me how to spend my time
Keeps nasty thoughts far from my mind
So that I don't grow up blind
I am saying no! I am saying no! I like saying no! to authority
I like my Policeman
He rules my world with guilt and fear
Makes sure I know he's always near
In case I should start acting "weird"
I need you big brother
To show me how I should feel
To make sure I never stray
To make everything ok

Wanna Die

I sit and watch the TV news
To see If I can find some clues
I know the world is all fucked up
But it looks so slick in a one minute spot
Wanna die
I don't wanna live I go to school - what a fucking joke
Telling me things I don't wanna know
They don't give a shit about me at all
My teachers have got me by the balls
There's no reason to live anymore
We're all gonna die in the third world war
They try to train me by society's rules Well fuck 'em all! And fuck you to


I can't stand your right wing phonies
I don't like you congress cronies
You spend your days at shopping malls
You buy guns 'cause you don't have any balls
Society makes we want to puke
America - love it or leave it I would if I could but I don't have any money
Corporations raising kids on Top Gun crap
But I don't wanna go to war and die like a rat!

California Sucks

California sucks California sucks it's worse than old New York Filled with scum
Wealthy worms
Stupid surfing dorks Hot tubs and Jacuzzi's and swaying green palm trees Rockstars,assholes,sleazy broads
Smog that makes you sneeze California sucks!
California sucks the people there are fake
They can buy their plastic lives with all the cash
They make California movie stars strung out on sleeping pills
No - I've never been there and you can bet I never will California sucks
Just look who you've produced Ronald Reagan, Jerry Brown and Countless other fools
West coast sun
Tanned morons
You don't know how to think
I can't wait til your state erodes and you fall into the drink

Murder in the Brady House

Bobby Brady's dealing crack
Marcia's on the pill
Mike's in bed with Alice
Sam sells dog chops at his meat shop
Greg is trying on garter belts and Peter spent three nights in jail
Murder in the Brady house
Because Jan Brady couldn't stand it
Murder in the Brady house
Things were just too great
Murder in the Brady house
Someone had to break
Cindy called Jan a stinker for playing ball inside the house
She tattletaled while Alice kissed the postman on the mouth
Blood is on the TV screen and guts are on the stairs
Murder in the Brady house and no one even cares

I Can't Stand Myself

I'm immature
I talk a lot
I'm a lying, cheating little snot
I smell bad
I don't comb my hair
I steal from work
I don't fight fair
Girls are repulsed by the sight of me
I slouch and I don't brush my teeth
Don't have a job
Don't go to school And worst of all
I think I'm cool
I can't stand myself

My Song

Don't wanna ruin your whole day
But there's just something I gotta say
You gotta understand it's hard
And everyday it tears me apart
Don't wanna lose you to another guy
I sit inside my room at night and think about you all the time
Don't know what's wrong but I'm confused
Why am I scared of losing you?

High Ambitions

I wanna live with Madonna
I wanna lick Oprah
I wanna go to Hollywood
I wanna be a material man
I have high ambitions
I wanna write puzzles for Wheel Of Fortune
I want god to make my bed
I wanna go deep sea fishing
I wanna fuck Jesse Jackson

March of the Lawnmowers

You always wanted a real nice lawn
Now your whole back yard is gone
Too bad you tried to cut your grass
Too bad that you ran out of gas
You drank just one too many beers
Now it's in your car and back to sears
It ate up half your bedroom rug
But now you've got brand new sparkplugs
You gotta bitchin' mower now
You think you are the cats meow
You only have yourself to thank
When we put draino in your tank

Leave Me Alone

You are so fucked up
Don't even talk to me
Don't know what you're talking about
Get the fuck away from me
 Leave me alone
Don't wanna hear your voice
Don't wanna hear a sound
Just leave me alone
You love alcohol
Don't wanna know from nothing else
You can't have a good time without it
Personality from a bottle

Don't Touch My Car

Hey you
You're a blonde
What you say is always wrong
Hey look
You can sprint
Don't you know you're in like flint
Don't touch my car
Hey you
You're a star
If we are we went too far
Hey look
I sing a song
Don't you know it's just for fun?


One minute past midnite and I need some cigarettes
See the big sign comin up my heart starts pounding fast
Everything you could want is in this little shop
Burritos are $6.99
Free coffee for the cops
There's an asshole behind the counter
This atmosphere really sucks
Soda and chips are overpriced so
I'm shit outa luck
I try to buy some rubbers and I get a murder one
It's times like these in my life I wish I had a gun


They're comin near me
Hope they don't see me
They can't defeat me
Oh please don't eat me!
won't give you butter
If you pull their udder
Cows no longer have sad eyes
They won't be served with fries
They have no master
They're comin faster
They're sleeping in my bed
They're stepping on my head !


 I can't get up in the morning
I feel like a sap like somebody's fool
I work like a rat and I'm going insane
I know it ain't right and I know it ain't cool
So don't tell me
What to do
Do this get that I don't like it
Why make money if I can't spend it
I'm getting pissed off
I don't have a life
Hey boss fuck off!

Wavin' Gerbs

I was there alone one day
Me, Fred and my microwave
Fred was a gerbil just the same
I was feeling quiet insane
60 seconds set on high
Kiss my gerbil Fred goodbye
Watch old Freddy run and run
He went Kaboom!
Just like a gun
Go and get a Brillo pad
Fred is dead, aw, ain't it sad
I didn't do it - that I wish
Guess who's next... it's Bob my fish


You're everything I hate and more
So afraid you'll be a bore
So you make up stories, spread gossip and lies
But it's the kind of bullshit that nobody buys
You're a liar, liar fuck you
I haven't heard a convincing one yet
About to be busted, you're starting to sweat
Quick change the subject, hell, nobody cares
The fact is you're a liar, we're all quite aware
Couldn't tell a story straight wouldn't know how to begin
Cause telling the truth would be a mortal sin
You make up lies for lack of something to do
You're a worthless old douchebag and I hate you !
Clean-Cut Asshole

You gotta lotta nerve lookin down your nose at me
Label me the dregs of a nice society
Peoples parents like you and girls all shout your name
But you're a clean-cut asshole to me you're all the same
Listening to R.E.M. looking just like all your friends
Out in mom's car drinking beers
Making fun of things you don't understand
You really make me ill cause you're Mr. Nice Guy
Straight A's in alcohol hittin' all the parties
You and all your asshole friends scammin' on a young girl
Pull a train on her and you feel like you own the world
You got no right tellin me that I ain't OK
College buttfucks rule this world and claim to be alternative
You're a fucking slimebag I don't care what you say
You're full of shit go fuck yourself
I know what the truth is

Raining Needles

It's raining needles stuck in my head
I wish I had stayed home in bed
Raining needles
Help me guys!
In my hands in my eyes
My throat was stabbed
I gurgle blood
I fall on needles in the mud
In my head in my shirt
In my body it really hurts
Covered with needles
My blood is red
Really hurts
Oh wow I'm dead


Massacres, violence film at 10
Media scumbags strike again
Shove a microphone in some poor guys face
So your ratings can soar to outer space
Ken and Barbie on location
Pretty newsman masturbation
Not a way to spend my afternoon
I'd rather eat Doritos and watch cartoons
Channel 8 and the daily times
Make sure we don't forget those nasty crimes
Keep your TV on and stay inside
Or you'll end up a victim of homocide

Experience the Ozzfish

I got a call last night from Warren
Somebody told him his band is boring
Warren was crying, he felt so bad
'Cause the punks don't like his bell-bottom pants
Experience the Ozzfish
I went to a party, brought a tape of their tunes
It drove everybody out of the room
Ozzfish just ain't cool anymore
Cause Ozz don't listen to any Hardcore
Some people might say I got no taste
They say the band sounds like shit cause they don't have a bass
Some people might say I got no brains
But Ozzfish is driving my neighbors insane


Gonna whip you with a towel
You don't know you look totally lame
You're a jockpunk man - it's a fuckin' shame
You're startin fights with people weaker than you
Come over here and I'll pound on you
You have a fit if the music's too slow
Your momma's calling
You better go

K-Mart Blues

K-Mart is the savings place
I'd like to punch the customers in the face
Get pissed off when it ain't priced right
Cause the people who shop there ain't too bright

Bates Motel

Got 12 rooms 12 vacancies
You can do just what you please
Just don't get mother to irate
And don't ever call me Master Bates
A man should have a hobby, true
But I got so bored I needed something to do
So I sharpened mother's cutlery
Now everywhere I look is blood
I see Mother's not a fruit but she's gotta go down
Down to the cellar so she won't be found
I know it's not right but I just can't tell
Of the nasties that go on in Bates Motel

Hardcore Hippie

Who needs Dayglo?
Hey, not me!
27 Morons living on a tree
Peace symbols, cheap, phony dime store beads
Half the time flippin out on LSD
Advocate non-violence you don't know how to fight
Stupid, unobjective cause you think you're always right
You'll go from Beatnik to Yuppie in the blink of an eye
Can't think for yourself cause you're always fuckin' high Peace
Yeah, smoke pot that's the way man
We all love each other, that's the way the world was planned
Wake up, smell the coffee man you're on Cloud Three
You're nothing but a dirty, smelly cumbag hippie

What Is Right

Gotta learn soon that things never last
Cause I'm a punk rock Christian with a bug up my ass
Gotta know now if it's all worth a fight
'Cause if there's really a god then what else is right ?
What is right
Gotta lot of people don't like my attitude
I don't know what the fuck I should do
If you think it's OK when I rip in a song
Then why when I do it to you is it wrong
I gotta girl and I know
I'm in love
If you fight all the time can that be enough?
I gotta girl and I know that she loves me
So why should I feel fucked up, shut out, hoced up, shut up in destiny? FUCK!